My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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