He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
