Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
