Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
