You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
