what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
