hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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