he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ttyl tear gas
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
