Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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