i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
