I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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