yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
