Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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