You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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