I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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