i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
