Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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