Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
