I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
