She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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