In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
