have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
