Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sarcasm needs its own font
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
