i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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