My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
