Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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