In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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