she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
