Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
