Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
