I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
