Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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