Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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