It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
