i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
