I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He did a backflip because drugs
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