im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
