honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
