I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
