Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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