No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
