i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
