Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
