even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
