we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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