it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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