Umm I'm too high to move.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
