Rock
Scissors
Fuck
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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