I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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