you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
