my mouth tastes like poor choices
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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