you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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