They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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